Wednesday, January 6, 2010

a piece of me..

i like: this month is a busy month of a school projects and thesis.

i don't like: being bored!

i wan't you to know: that i'm no longer virgin.

i've planned: to post all the secrets that i will have this month..

i want to say to someone special: meet me after your school activity please.. I miss you so much.. it's been one week since we won't see each other.

i just discover this game by: toothfairy

Monday, December 28, 2009

a childhood nightmare..

When I was 6 years old my father is the main cause of my everyday nightmare.
Since my mom is working on abroad, my father was the one who taking care of me and my two brothers.

One time, while i am on a deep sleep..
there's something attacked me between my legs. I thought it was a tinny wood, it hurts me in pain. Then, I felt the liquid coming out between my legs. I can't open my eyes.. I'm scared to see what that thing hurting me. The tinny thing attacking me continuously. I wanna shout! but the pain blocking my voice.

When i decided to open my eyes and it was so dark and i can't clearly see who's causing my pain. All I can see is a hand, a huge hand that owned by a man, i think. But the aroma of that person is quite familiar with me. A smell of a drunk man, a man that i used to be with? since i was a little baby angel.. a smell of my DAD??

The next day.. I acted like it was a normal day. My dad serves our breakfast then talking to me like there's nothing happen.

I am just 6 years old at that time and i don't know the real reason why my dad did that to me! and why me? why not doing it in others? why does he continuously doing it to me until I reached my age of 15. The last time He did that to me is.. when we're having a family vacation in his hometown. I thought my nightmare is end, but i was wrong! in the middle of the night his hands attacking me again.. :(

I don't know what to do. Until now my mom don't have any idea about this dark secrets of my dad. But I thank God! my mom and dad separated when I was 12 years old, I live now on my mom's side. Even though they are separated I don't have any intention to tell the nightmare I was suffering since I was 6 years old. I don't want my dad live in a small space of room, with a jail-mate itching each part of their body.

But that's not the end of my nightmare life when I was a child.. next time I will share all of my nightmare and pain from all horny fucking guys around me!! sorry for that vulgar word! I just can't control my self!

NOTE: No one knows about this childhood nightmare of mine.. that's why i made this blog so that I can share it to any one! and also to less the pain and to take away the torn that stock on my heart!

funny secrets.. haha

I have a lot of secrets.. some of it are pretty funny. lol..

there is some thing that my Friends don't know about me..
they think i'm the best among their friends, its because i'm a great pretender..
its not that i'm bad or what..
i just keep my feelings to them.

I have one friend.. She keep on telling her secrets to me..
and i keep on promising that i will never tell to anyone about that secrets,
and i do that actually. :)

But there's one thing she forgot to tell me~ this words "PRESERVE IT!"
haha.. that's why i tell her secrets to my BF*
i said: "don't tell her that i said it to you ah?"

after a days my conscience keep on etching my mind..

then i decided to open it to that friend of mine..
i said to her: "i have a friend, she shared her secrets to me.. then i also share it to my BF*
the reason is.. she don't even ask me to preserve it! am i wrong to my action or not?"

then she said: "NO ITS OKAY!! as long as my secrets still lock ah??" :)

--- haha! don't know why i can't control my tongue! :(

currently inlove with this song*