Monday, December 28, 2009

a childhood nightmare..

When I was 6 years old my father is the main cause of my everyday nightmare.
Since my mom is working on abroad, my father was the one who taking care of me and my two brothers.

One time, while i am on a deep sleep..
there's something attacked me between my legs. I thought it was a tinny wood, it hurts me in pain. Then, I felt the liquid coming out between my legs. I can't open my eyes.. I'm scared to see what that thing hurting me. The tinny thing attacking me continuously. I wanna shout! but the pain blocking my voice.

When i decided to open my eyes and it was so dark and i can't clearly see who's causing my pain. All I can see is a hand, a huge hand that owned by a man, i think. But the aroma of that person is quite familiar with me. A smell of a drunk man, a man that i used to be with? since i was a little baby angel.. a smell of my DAD??

The next day.. I acted like it was a normal day. My dad serves our breakfast then talking to me like there's nothing happen.

I am just 6 years old at that time and i don't know the real reason why my dad did that to me! and why me? why not doing it in others? why does he continuously doing it to me until I reached my age of 15. The last time He did that to me is.. when we're having a family vacation in his hometown. I thought my nightmare is end, but i was wrong! in the middle of the night his hands attacking me again.. :(

I don't know what to do. Until now my mom don't have any idea about this dark secrets of my dad. But I thank God! my mom and dad separated when I was 12 years old, I live now on my mom's side. Even though they are separated I don't have any intention to tell the nightmare I was suffering since I was 6 years old. I don't want my dad live in a small space of room, with a jail-mate itching each part of their body.

But that's not the end of my nightmare life when I was a child.. next time I will share all of my nightmare and pain from all horny fucking guys around me!! sorry for that vulgar word! I just can't control my self!

NOTE: No one knows about this childhood nightmare of mine.. that's why i made this blog so that I can share it to any one! and also to less the pain and to take away the torn that stock on my heart!

funny secrets.. haha

I have a lot of secrets.. some of it are pretty funny. lol..

there is some thing that my Friends don't know about me..
they think i'm the best among their friends, its because i'm a great pretender..
its not that i'm bad or what..
i just keep my feelings to them.

I have one friend.. She keep on telling her secrets to me..
and i keep on promising that i will never tell to anyone about that secrets,
and i do that actually. :)

But there's one thing she forgot to tell me~ this words "PRESERVE IT!"
haha.. that's why i tell her secrets to my BF*
i said: "don't tell her that i said it to you ah?"

after a days my conscience keep on etching my mind..

then i decided to open it to that friend of mine..
i said to her: "i have a friend, she shared her secrets to me.. then i also share it to my BF*
the reason is.. she don't even ask me to preserve it! am i wrong to my action or not?"

then she said: "NO ITS OKAY!! as long as my secrets still lock ah??" :)

--- haha! don't know why i can't control my tongue! :(

Sunday, December 27, 2009


All of us for sure owned a SECRET .. its either more or few, its either nonsense or big secrets. But I'm pretty sure that there's no secrets that will not REVEAL in the end. Some people afraid to tell their secrets to anyone (even me), probably.. its not about the secrets but its about "the reaction of the person whom you'll going to tell your secrets. In fact your also afraid that soon.. without knowing, they already revealed your secret to somebody.

Having a secret is NORMAL .. and its impossible to us not to keep a secrets. there are a few kinds of secrets that i noticed..

1st~ the CHILDISH SECRET this secrets includes some secrets that easy to reveal.. its easy because its not that so explosion-ally but its just a simple secret.. a mini secret or simply just a childish secret that not that so important to hide.

for ex:
"i have a secret.. I put the candy wrap on mom's bag and she did'nt know that."

2nd~ the REVEALING SECRET like the first one, this secret is also easy to reveal.. this secrets are not meant to hide.. it's meant to reveal.

for ex:
"I LOVE YOU.. its a secret that can't hide"

3rd~ the GREATEST SECRET the greatest secret that someone owned. It's the only secrets that cannot hide easily.

4th~ the HIDDEN SECRET a secret that no need to reveal.. its a secret that secretly keep of somebody to someone.

for ex:
"My greatest secret is a simple secret that is not a revealing secret because it is a my hidden secret ever since" lol :P

5th~ the traumatic-childhood SECRET includes all your secrets when you are young.. a secret that until know you don't know how to open it to someone.. a secret that you are afraid to talk about.. a traumatic secret that you don't want to go back to that time.

and the 6th one~ the TREASURE SECRET this secret is secretly tell to you that you need to keep it hide and you don't need any rights to tell it to some else.

-- correct me if i'm wrong..

currently inlove with this song*